the following is an excerpt from "you don't need your parents, they are annoying idiots: a cookbook for teens" ....
prehat
the oven to 350 degrees. it sucks that you have to do this now because
it takes so damn long to heat up. god, you could be doing something way
better right now....anyway....
chop up and fry some onions in
butter or olive oil until they are soft and see through (like that jerks
who lie to you all the time), then put them aside, ignore them, the way
your parents ignore your needs. they don't listen or understand anyway.
beat
four eggs like you would beat your damn teacher who always gets on your
case and plays favorites with the "popular" kids. add one cup of milk,
or half and half, either way it doesn't matter. nothing matters. mix
into the eggs with hate and rage and salt and pepper, and other herbs if
you want to like dill (haha, dill weed! or basil...fuck, put what you
want in there).
get some cheese, chedder or mozzerrella. shred it
like your boyfriend/girlfriend shredded your heart by dumping you and
being a total prick/bitch. remember the onions? (at least you didnt
forget them like your parents forgot your birthday that one time. GOD!)
check to make sure they are cold like the heartless fuck who dumped you
(you don't want them cooking the egg and fucking everything up like all
the idiots in your life you fuck up everything). add the onions and the
cheese to the egg/milk and stir it around, mix it up like a mosh pit,
yeah!
pour the mixture into a ready made pie crust that you buy
in the frozen food section because you are a slave to the corporate
overlords who don't give a fuck about the little man and would sell
their grandmother for a science experiment to make a quick buck. fuck
them! but get the pie crust first.
if you want to add things like
mushrooms, bean sprouts, spinach, other cheeses, go ahead, do whatever
the fuck you feel like...you know what you like and don't have to listen
to anyone tell you how to make your quiche...whatever....
bake
the whole damn thing for one hour while you chat on the internet with
your friends or download some music or put songs on your ipod. do what
you feel like, the world is unfair anyway....
it's ready. eat it, or don't. whatever.
Showing posts with label cooking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cooking. Show all posts
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Saturday, September 08, 2012
i want the words"Leviticus 19:28" tattooed on my arm
it's saturday, 2130 hours, had a pretty sweet day.
yesterday we went for an after work ride, weather was spectacular, i love love love my bike. i climbed up some stuff i hadn't cleaned before, must have been all that road riding that made my legs strong, and coming down the mountain i felt flowy and smooth, like a river, and fast, and i felt like i was in my own kick ass video. it was a pretty sweet ass ride.
i also cooked a buch, made some tomato bisque with fresh tomatoes from some farmers garden that Drew gave me, also made chocolate chip bacon cookies, which pretty much kicked ass. regular chocolate chip recipe that you find on the back of a pack of bittersweet chocolate chips, but instead of two sticks of butter, one stick of butter and one half cup of bacon grease. of course we had to fry up a bunch of bacon to get the grease, so there was also a bunch of bacon, which goes great on buttered bread as well as just eating it. mmmmm, bacon. i don't care how trite or cliche it is, bacon is fucking awesome and tasty and one of the best things ever. another great reason to get kicked out of the garden of eden. there was no bacon tree, how could it have been paradise?
so, that was yesterday.....today i went to work, it was slow, there were a bunch of crazy weird people in, but also some decent and fun customers. overall a pretty good day. i ate waaaaay too much meat, honestly. i need to go a day or two eating nothing but vegetables. seriously.
came home from work and there was dinner waiting for me, that pretty much rocked. i'm a lucky guy.
i have been dabbling in the realm of discount cheese. i can't always tell if the cheese is supposed to taste like that, or if it's bad and that is why it's discounted. either way, it's an adventure, and a glass of wine helps immensely.
as for my no drinking month....oh well. last night i had a shot or two of vodka, and tonight i had a glass of red. the thing is, i'm not taking in a huge bunch of alcohol calories, and i don't' think i'm putting too much strain on my system. i know i should drink nothing but water to help lose weight and fix myself, but having one glass of wine is better than having one bottle of wine. so i got that going for me.
my new crazy thing i'm doing is....for the rest of the month, i am not using any soap or shampoo in the shower. only water. i am only washing myself with water. apparently our bodies will regulate themselves and soap and shampoo just fuck up the regulation, they are apparently completely unnecessary, and do more harm than good. i've heard it from some people, and read it on some blogs. well, the only way to verify is to try it myself, and i have nothing better to do with my time, so....
the cool thing is...if it really works, not only will i save a bunch of cash by not having to buy soap and shampoo, but also it's a cool conspiracy that i can actually get behind. and i love a good conspiracy. it will also be pretty neat if my skin feels better and my hair looks and feels better. supposedly it is healthier to not use soap or shampoo, and i can see that. even "all natural organic" soap and shampoo are extra chemicals that aren't natural to our body. i will write more on this as i progress.
if i prove something, if i prove shampoo and soap are not unnecessary and are just a way to keep us needing more and more skin and hair products, if i prove it's a conspiracy by the chemical companies, is it still a conspiracy? i'll have to check on that.
right now i think i shall retire to the boudoir and read a bit and then fall asleep. i'm tired. my legs are a bit sore as well, i think they need a rest. tomorrow is bike polo, so that should be a good time.
now i snooze.
yesterday we went for an after work ride, weather was spectacular, i love love love my bike. i climbed up some stuff i hadn't cleaned before, must have been all that road riding that made my legs strong, and coming down the mountain i felt flowy and smooth, like a river, and fast, and i felt like i was in my own kick ass video. it was a pretty sweet ass ride.
i also cooked a buch, made some tomato bisque with fresh tomatoes from some farmers garden that Drew gave me, also made chocolate chip bacon cookies, which pretty much kicked ass. regular chocolate chip recipe that you find on the back of a pack of bittersweet chocolate chips, but instead of two sticks of butter, one stick of butter and one half cup of bacon grease. of course we had to fry up a bunch of bacon to get the grease, so there was also a bunch of bacon, which goes great on buttered bread as well as just eating it. mmmmm, bacon. i don't care how trite or cliche it is, bacon is fucking awesome and tasty and one of the best things ever. another great reason to get kicked out of the garden of eden. there was no bacon tree, how could it have been paradise?
so, that was yesterday.....today i went to work, it was slow, there were a bunch of crazy weird people in, but also some decent and fun customers. overall a pretty good day. i ate waaaaay too much meat, honestly. i need to go a day or two eating nothing but vegetables. seriously.
came home from work and there was dinner waiting for me, that pretty much rocked. i'm a lucky guy.
i have been dabbling in the realm of discount cheese. i can't always tell if the cheese is supposed to taste like that, or if it's bad and that is why it's discounted. either way, it's an adventure, and a glass of wine helps immensely.
as for my no drinking month....oh well. last night i had a shot or two of vodka, and tonight i had a glass of red. the thing is, i'm not taking in a huge bunch of alcohol calories, and i don't' think i'm putting too much strain on my system. i know i should drink nothing but water to help lose weight and fix myself, but having one glass of wine is better than having one bottle of wine. so i got that going for me.
my new crazy thing i'm doing is....for the rest of the month, i am not using any soap or shampoo in the shower. only water. i am only washing myself with water. apparently our bodies will regulate themselves and soap and shampoo just fuck up the regulation, they are apparently completely unnecessary, and do more harm than good. i've heard it from some people, and read it on some blogs. well, the only way to verify is to try it myself, and i have nothing better to do with my time, so....
the cool thing is...if it really works, not only will i save a bunch of cash by not having to buy soap and shampoo, but also it's a cool conspiracy that i can actually get behind. and i love a good conspiracy. it will also be pretty neat if my skin feels better and my hair looks and feels better. supposedly it is healthier to not use soap or shampoo, and i can see that. even "all natural organic" soap and shampoo are extra chemicals that aren't natural to our body. i will write more on this as i progress.
if i prove something, if i prove shampoo and soap are not unnecessary and are just a way to keep us needing more and more skin and hair products, if i prove it's a conspiracy by the chemical companies, is it still a conspiracy? i'll have to check on that.
right now i think i shall retire to the boudoir and read a bit and then fall asleep. i'm tired. my legs are a bit sore as well, i think they need a rest. tomorrow is bike polo, so that should be a good time.
now i snooze.
Monday, September 03, 2012
movie review: premium rush
holy crap i'm tired. been up since 5:30 this morning to go to the gym, only to find out the gym is closed for labor day. fuck me. i am hoping to go tomorrow morning and throw weights around like i planned on doing today.
went to work, it was slow but we had a pretty kick ass time.
then this evening i went and saw premium rush, starring seven time Grammy award winner and human Muppet Joe Gordon Levitt, and co-starring a fixed gear bike.
i ride a fixed gear bike, no brakes and all that. i love it. it's fun, and i think it makes me a better cyclist. it definitely makes me stronger, no coasting, my legs have to constantly peddle, and so when i'm on my other bikes and my legs are tired, they are used to peddling and they keep on moving. riding a fixed gear isn't for everyone, but it's a hell of a lot of fun and it's different, you are way more aware of what is going on and what your bike is doing.
so, the movie is about a bike messenger who has to deliver an important letter for a chinese chick.
speaking of chinese chicks.....i think asian women are really pretty, and i wonder if, in asia, guys hanging out drinking and talking boast to their friends "dude, my girlfriend is asian, she is soooo hot! and she makes me asian food, it's so delicious and authentic!" i love asian food. in china do they call it chinese food, or just food?
i love Chinese food, especially fried rice, which is super easy to make and awesome. left over rice from the fridge works best. you just chop up some onioins, garlic, and and ginger, maybe a carrot if you have one, and fry it in a wok or pan with super high heat and a good bit of vegetable oil. then add rice and fry it up, then add a tablespoon of sugar and two table spoons of shao shing wine (get it at any asian grocery, or use sherry) and cook for 30 seconds, then add oyster sauce and mix it all up and BAM, you are done. add some soy sauce if you want, but not too much or it gets too salty. of course you can add mushrooms or diced meat or fish or whatever, as well as peas or broccoli etc. it's really free form and is fun.
if you think about it, it's amazing how much china has permeated american culture. there is the obvious, such as kung fu and kung fu movies, Bruce Lee, chinese food, feng shui, it's hip to be buddhist, it's super hip to want to free tibet from china by listening to the Beastie Boys and going to concerts and buying t shirts and bumper stickers, people have chinese symbols tattooed on them, and there is a slew of dumb ass "Confucius says" jokes (confucius say "man who constipated does not give a crap!" ). there is a lot more Chinese influence in the states i'm sure, all thanks to the chinese.
one thing i don't get is...where the hell do the chinese people come from? if adam and eve were the first people, and everyone came from them...how did we get chinese people? unless one of them were chinese....
thinking about it though, it's a good thing adam an eve fucked up and got kicked out of the garden of eden. ok, it was supposed to be paradise, but they didn't have snowboarding, they didn't have chinese food, they didn't have soooo many awesome wonderful things we take for granted every day. doesn't really sound like paradise to me. if they were in paradise, all blissed out, they wouldn't need to come up with things to entertain themselves and distract them from crappy boring lives, no need to escape, so no booze, no music, no artistic expression.
think about it....all really really great art; poetry, music, painting, all come from pain and a need to express inner angst and turmoil. they wouldn't have needed any of that in the garden of eden. so, no stories, no jokes, no books, no movies.
oh, yeah, so, the movie. it sucked.
i'm tired and going to sleep. three days, no alcohol. i'm killing it!
went to work, it was slow but we had a pretty kick ass time.
then this evening i went and saw premium rush, starring seven time Grammy award winner and human Muppet Joe Gordon Levitt, and co-starring a fixed gear bike.
i ride a fixed gear bike, no brakes and all that. i love it. it's fun, and i think it makes me a better cyclist. it definitely makes me stronger, no coasting, my legs have to constantly peddle, and so when i'm on my other bikes and my legs are tired, they are used to peddling and they keep on moving. riding a fixed gear isn't for everyone, but it's a hell of a lot of fun and it's different, you are way more aware of what is going on and what your bike is doing.
so, the movie is about a bike messenger who has to deliver an important letter for a chinese chick.
speaking of chinese chicks.....i think asian women are really pretty, and i wonder if, in asia, guys hanging out drinking and talking boast to their friends "dude, my girlfriend is asian, she is soooo hot! and she makes me asian food, it's so delicious and authentic!" i love asian food. in china do they call it chinese food, or just food?
i love Chinese food, especially fried rice, which is super easy to make and awesome. left over rice from the fridge works best. you just chop up some onioins, garlic, and and ginger, maybe a carrot if you have one, and fry it in a wok or pan with super high heat and a good bit of vegetable oil. then add rice and fry it up, then add a tablespoon of sugar and two table spoons of shao shing wine (get it at any asian grocery, or use sherry) and cook for 30 seconds, then add oyster sauce and mix it all up and BAM, you are done. add some soy sauce if you want, but not too much or it gets too salty. of course you can add mushrooms or diced meat or fish or whatever, as well as peas or broccoli etc. it's really free form and is fun.
if you think about it, it's amazing how much china has permeated american culture. there is the obvious, such as kung fu and kung fu movies, Bruce Lee, chinese food, feng shui, it's hip to be buddhist, it's super hip to want to free tibet from china by listening to the Beastie Boys and going to concerts and buying t shirts and bumper stickers, people have chinese symbols tattooed on them, and there is a slew of dumb ass "Confucius says" jokes (confucius say "man who constipated does not give a crap!" ). there is a lot more Chinese influence in the states i'm sure, all thanks to the chinese.
one thing i don't get is...where the hell do the chinese people come from? if adam and eve were the first people, and everyone came from them...how did we get chinese people? unless one of them were chinese....
thinking about it though, it's a good thing adam an eve fucked up and got kicked out of the garden of eden. ok, it was supposed to be paradise, but they didn't have snowboarding, they didn't have chinese food, they didn't have soooo many awesome wonderful things we take for granted every day. doesn't really sound like paradise to me. if they were in paradise, all blissed out, they wouldn't need to come up with things to entertain themselves and distract them from crappy boring lives, no need to escape, so no booze, no music, no artistic expression.
think about it....all really really great art; poetry, music, painting, all come from pain and a need to express inner angst and turmoil. they wouldn't have needed any of that in the garden of eden. so, no stories, no jokes, no books, no movies.
oh, yeah, so, the movie. it sucked.
i'm tired and going to sleep. three days, no alcohol. i'm killing it!
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
hot monday
it's 1800 hours pm in the evening, it's like...7000 degrees out, i'm sweating like an overweight eastern european on a bangkok sex tour. today was super fucking hot.
yesterday sort of sucked a bit, work wasn't too bad, but overall i just felt beaten down. came home exhausted, went to bed, slept amazing, so i got that going for me.
woke up today and went to the gym, lifted more weight than last time. each time i go, i try to increase weight, even if only a little bit. i used to think i should do a set number of sets at the same weight, then move up each week. fuck that. each time i go to the gym, i am increasing weight, even if only for one set. and i like it. i like my new routine, i pared away the extra crap (for now) and i'm just doing basic big moves with heavy weight. eventually, when i feel like it, i will start to do other exercises and spend an hour or two indoors lifting weights because yeah, that is what i want to do with my life.
didn't ride today though, it was windy and about 800 degrees out. tomorrow me and george are gonna ride, we are going out at about 1030 because he has kid stuff he has to do, so it should be uncomfortably hot. if i start hydrating now, i should only be slightly dehydrated tomorrow and only suffer just a little.
tonight i am making citrus marinated salmon with a watercress coulis, and caponata. no they don't really go together, but i don't much give a fuck. chef thomas keller isn't going to come to my house and get all upset because i made caponata to eat along side his salmon, so i aint sweating it too much.
nothing really going on at the moment, and that isn't too bad. i sort of like it.
ok, time to blanch some watercress and get on with dinner. life aint too shabby right now.
yesterday sort of sucked a bit, work wasn't too bad, but overall i just felt beaten down. came home exhausted, went to bed, slept amazing, so i got that going for me.
woke up today and went to the gym, lifted more weight than last time. each time i go, i try to increase weight, even if only a little bit. i used to think i should do a set number of sets at the same weight, then move up each week. fuck that. each time i go to the gym, i am increasing weight, even if only for one set. and i like it. i like my new routine, i pared away the extra crap (for now) and i'm just doing basic big moves with heavy weight. eventually, when i feel like it, i will start to do other exercises and spend an hour or two indoors lifting weights because yeah, that is what i want to do with my life.
didn't ride today though, it was windy and about 800 degrees out. tomorrow me and george are gonna ride, we are going out at about 1030 because he has kid stuff he has to do, so it should be uncomfortably hot. if i start hydrating now, i should only be slightly dehydrated tomorrow and only suffer just a little.
tonight i am making citrus marinated salmon with a watercress coulis, and caponata. no they don't really go together, but i don't much give a fuck. chef thomas keller isn't going to come to my house and get all upset because i made caponata to eat along side his salmon, so i aint sweating it too much.
nothing really going on at the moment, and that isn't too bad. i sort of like it.
ok, time to blanch some watercress and get on with dinner. life aint too shabby right now.
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