sno-cones of the dead

contentment and happiness kills. flat out. i can't seem to come up with anything, even though deep inside i know i have stuff i want to say and write, but when i type it out, it is like a stuffed tiger, lifeless and non threatening, and even though his teeth are bared and his claws are coming at you, there is no fear, no thought, it's an emtpy shell, a representation of an idea, a grand facade, a lie, emotionless lifeless and dull.

where has the spark gone? perhaps the burning and acid has been soothed by the pepto bismal of happiness and contentment? the sky here is hugemoungous, blue, goes on forever. the mountains are perfect, i am living in a tourist brouchure. i am happy, a bit frustrated, but too happy to care. when we are happy, we let out guard down. we don't need to believe in god, we don't pray, we aren't scared, we don't need favors, everything is going along quite swimmingly thank you very much.

if gwen stefanni had the exact same voice, but was fat and pimply, would anyone want to listen to her? really? i don't want to holla back, girl . i want to change the channel to something more interesting, like an infomercial.

i had an idea about a guy who is miserable and wants to kill himself and tries to induce a heart attack by running hard. he passes out, comes close, but doens't quite die. he keeps trying, and insteat of dying, he gets super fit and healthy and is a great runner, and now his skin clears up, he is trim, and all the endorphins make him happy all the time. it would be obvious for him to get hit by a truck, now that he is happy, so the ending would have him marrying a former pornstar and living to be old and happy.

how many people are living lies right now? how many people are unhappy, because they think they are supposed to have this job and marry at this age and have this many kids and live "this life" from A to Z. these are the people who are bothered by people like marylin manson or other free spirits who do what they truly deep down enjoy. the "normal" people are angry because they are jealous becuse they fell for the lie of a "respectable normal life." in some ways i feel i've compromised my integrity and sold out, even though i really hadn't, cause i dont have any talents i could pimp out and do my own thing with really. but the hypocrisy and small minded jealous driven attacks by patheticly weak people with small insignificant lives, it just drives me up the wall.

and i don't know why i wrote all that, because, like i've said, i am happy. and right now i am tired and going to sleep.