rachel ray is one sweet biscuit

i don't understand the whole "club card" thing. i know that if i go to safeway, and i want to buy four oranges, it will cost me USD $47.33. HOWEVER, with my safeway club card, it only costs me 58 cents. this is to encourage everyone to get the club card.

but what dragons must i slay to obtain this precious item and be allowed the priveleges of paying less than your average rube on the street? what herculean efforts must i give to earn the right to one of these symbols of the elite? what trials must i endure to be allowed into the sanctum sanctorum of the coveted "club card"? i have to ask the lady behind the counter for one. that is it.

i don't even have to take a test or wait for approval. and it cost's nothing. they give it to you.

so, i can either pay 5 dollars for something, or half of that for the exact same item if i have the club card. why can't you just sell me the goddamn 4 oz of cheese wihtout me using some token figurehead piece of plastic, another milimeter of thickness to my already overstuffed wallet that i must always have like a fucking albatross around my neck?

today i bought some corn (you know you can eat corn raw, right off the cob, right? no need to cook it, it's sweet and juicy just as it is) and the lady asked me for my card. all i bought was corn, and i didn't need the card for it, there was no special price. i asked why i needed the card and the lady gave me some bullshit excuse. i know she's been co-opted by "them."

the reason for the card..."they" (the ubiquitous "they" that start the rumors and control the world, you know, the illuminati "they") are tracking us. that can be the only excuse. they want to know our habits, what we eat and buy etc, so they know where to put the mind numbing brain killer drugs so they can break us down and control us easier.

so i found the joy and beauty of the dollar store. everything is a dollar. so, why would i want to pay $3.00 for a roll of aluminum foil when i can get that roll for $1.00? ok, so maybe the food is a bit sketchy, i'm not gonna buy the used sushi, but for things like soap and towels and such, hell yeah i'm gonna buy them for a dollar. and i don't need a club card either.