What Would Jesus Blog?

i feel like a junkie. i feel like one of those unwashed scraggly smack addicts who live in one dank room, sleeping on a stained bare mattress, alienating himself from everyone by stealing from his freinds and being a complete jerk to everyone, including those who try to help him.

and i am not even close to that. i am showered and have a bed with sheets and a blanket. maybe it comes from staying in a hotelroom with bad lighting? maybe it comes from not sleeping so much, like reguarl people do? but i feel like i should be guilty of something, like i did something wrong last night that i can't remember, as if i'm going to call someone and they are going to tell me i peed in thier car and tried to have sex with thier poodle in front of thier 7 year old. luckily i don't have anyone to call.

but last night i didn't go out, i stayed in, hanging out with all my freinds. i watched crappy tv, surfed the web and went to sleep.

i did pick up a fucking trojan virus, goddammit. it's gone, but i swear once the malicious program fucks with your computer, even after you "fix" it it's never the same. like a scar, or the everlasting parasites you get when you go to india. you never really get rid of them, you just learn to peacefully co-exist with them, but they are always there, and you are never quite right again.

perhaps i have the whole "fight club" thing going on. maybe when i think i am sleeping, i am actually creating havoc and "breakin' the law, breakin' the law" (some judas priest for all you old skool metal heads). i have been extra freakin tired lately, and i'm a bit of an insomniac. if i am living another life, i wish i could be concious of the fun exiting life and leave my droll existence to my subconcious.

that would be a cool twist on the "fight club" thing. a wild rebellious anarchist who lives to destroy the current establishment and shake things up doesnt realize is he is schitzoid, and living a double life. when he thinks he is sleeping, he is actually organizing disaffected youth and creating a beuracratic juggernaut, restoring and enforcing order and a calm, practical, methodological way of accomplishing things that need to be done. his "army" all wear white shirts and ties, and have breifcases, and they go around and make businesses and services more efficiant and orderly.

i will not have internet access for a few days, so i will not be "online" as the kids call it, until saturday.