what, are they gonna tow *ALL* the cars?

i love to watch kabuki, i saw live kabuki three or four times when i lived in japan, it is so damn fascinating and interesting. i really really do enjoy it, and even though i have no real clue what's going on, it's ok, cause the japanese people don't really know what's going on either. one of the coolest things in kabuki is the KOKEN, the assistants. these are the ninjas onstage, guys dressed in black who are there, but "you don't see them, they aren't there." when an actor wants to sit down, BAM, the koken comes up and puts a chair under him. to signify a fight scene, the actor stamps his foot, then kicks off his sandle, sliding it forcefully to the rear, and the koken is there to catch it. no matter where the sandle goes, the koken is THERE! if the actor takes off a piece of clothing and throws it behind him, the koken is there to catch it. the guy is the actor's shadow, and is really cool.

so i was thinking, what do the koken do when they retire? what if i could hire a koken for myself, a guy dressed like a ninja who follows me around everywhere and when i want to sit, he is there to put a chair under my ass. i could come home, take off my shirt and throw it behind me and he would be there to catch it and put it away, or i could put out my hand and he would put a sandwich in it. wherever i went, he would be there, so i could be in the supermarket and just walk around getting what i need off the shelf and tossing it behind me without looking and he would catch it and put it in the cart. it would be a pretty good short internet movie, if i could film it.