one day down, 29 to go

saturday, september the first, it's 1948 hours pm in the evening, the wind outside is blowing like a big bad wolf outside a pig's house, i'm completely sober, my shoes are full of feet.

i pooped. it was the shit!

but i digress.....

had a great day at work, it was just a good vibe all day.  after work stopped by the pizza joint and saw friends and listened to music.  saw M and she came over to talk to me.  it was nice, a bit odd, i don't know, i honestly don't know what she is thinking or whatever.  i would like to know, i doubt she would tell me.  i can't help still having some kind of feelings for her, which is ridiculous on soooooo many levels. but still, i can't stop the body from feeling.

so today is the first day of no drinking month.  luckily it isn't no ice cream or candy or crap food month.  i need to cut that shit out as well, it's all poison, but one poison at a time.  it'd hard to not drink when everyone is "hey, can i get you a beer?" and your customers tip you in beer and everyone expects you to drink.  not impossible, not really that hard, but hard enough, at least at first blush.

i felt less tired today, i will go to sleep at a reasonable hour, hopefully sleep decently, have a good day tomorrow, and monday morning i walk into the gym ready to lift heavy things and be a fucking animal.  i'm already excited about it and thinking about it.

i was gonna ride tonight but holy fucking shit it was windy.  crazy stupid windy.  the ride will wait.

there is a new online thingy that they want me to write for, not sure i want to. yeah, i want to, not sure i can write on command though.  i write fine when no one is looking and no one expects me to write anything, but expectations and deadlines destroy me.  i was thinking of doing a book review, or a movie review.  it would be funny, the whole thing wouldn't be about the book or movie, just some random rant tying various things together and at the end say "oh, the book...it was good."  i've done it before, i like that.  i could do it again, i just have to sit down and do it, and when people want me to, i can't.  i freeze.   i have the stage fright, but it's more the "fuck you, i'm not gonna dance to your tune."  whatever it is, it doesn't help.

feels good to write, it feels like it's coming back, slowly, but coming back.  maybe by the end of the month i shall be back to me again?  doubt it.  we shall see.

now, off to surf porn, read, maybe watch netflix, and sleep.  not necessarily in that order.